Diary Of A Student (The Prelude)
Have you ever had this feeling of living in the clouds and yet falling ? That was my life in Secondary School. The first Four years can be described as a blur because I can never get to understand what happened or have big memories about it. When I decided to write about my life as a student, I never really knew what to write on.. so I decided to give an introduction on how it felt before University.
I don't have big memories about my first Four years in Secondary School, probably due to the fact that I have decided to tuck it deep in a box up in my head.
At first, I had big dreams about Secondary School. I had jumped two classes to get to Secondary School courtesy of my primary school founder who also owns the secondary School. I will never forget that day; I felt elated! I was off as a college student! I had big dreams about becoming a lawyer but deep down in my heart, I had the fear of being rejected. Getting to the school gate, I gave myself a pep talk and smiled my way into my class. That day, I met seven persons who welcomed me into school and we became friends. It wasn't so bad until a day, the principal who teaches English language made me feel ugly by making a list of the most beautiful girls in school. That was when my esteem crumbled and I began finding myself before the mirror daily, trying to get what was wrong with me, since everyone always reminded me of my beauty. My relationship with people waned since I wasn't so sure of myself and this affected my studies. Forward to Year 2, I wanted to feel among! I began cracking jokes and just wanted an acceptance, I never needed to get in the beginning. No one knew about this because I can be described as an emotional holder who knows how to mask her pains well even till now. I found my solace in writing and debates. It was at this period, pedophiles were employed as teachers. No one could say anything until Tobby Udeme, a good friend of mine reported to the school authority who acted like it never happened. The next two years was filled with 'following the crowd', parties and nothing important I can point my fingers at. Gradually, I became a mini-tout! I was accepted into the clique when I reached SSS1, but I never felt like I belonged there. I had my first alcoholic drink in the school and it was provided by the school authority. In all these, the thought of going to the University slipped my mind. I knew deep in my soul that I would never survive JAMB's UTME at that rate but I never wanted to break from it. In SSS1, I went to Science class which is somewhere that doesn't suit me. Tobby Udeme spoke to me about changing schools and choosing the right path.... I thought about it but turned a deaf ear because I enjoyed the painful pleasures of being a failure. At home, my mom wasn't so happy with me especially with my life going down the wrong path, so she suggested that I attended my elder sister's high school summer classes which has a strong discipline and might, just might change me. Getting to this school, I felt out of place and couldn't deal with the lifestyle. It was too closed but nevertheless, I continued. Fast forward to a day I will never forget; during summer school, we were to have a chemistry practical in the laboratory ( ironically, I have never seen a laboratory or library since my school didn't have such facilities) and I mistakenly said out loud " Do you people want to cook?" My classmates bursted out laughing, and I bursted into tears. The teachers sat me down and I had to explain my ignorance. The news reached my mother who felt pained for the 'waste of money'. I left my school and life in the new school wasn't so funny. I adjusted well socially but academically, I had a lot to put up with especially being on probation; I was told to choose the right path and if my grades weren't good enough, I would have to go back to SS1( it was SS2 ) . The toughest decision ever! I began cutting off friends from my old school and adjusted to a new life of zero parties and only books. I became an A-Student though I had the fear of attempting University. My Class teacher in SS3, Mr Idoko advised me to take the UTME form, because he believed I can do it. I got the form and wrote it and got a high score! ( Though I didn't go to the University that year) I became clear of something that fateful night I got the score; if I can overcome this major fear, University life would not be my fear. I later realized, my overwhelming need to get accepted into a world I was never meant to be, broke me into pieces I can never place. The last two years of High school life might have been bookish but I had the best memories from there.
I was made to realize that I don't need anyone to make me who they wanted me to be, but I need to be who I want to be! This was what I realized and it is the mantra that has shaped me into the woman I have become.......
Check Out the next post on life as an Undergraduate.
I don't have big memories about my first Four years in Secondary School, probably due to the fact that I have decided to tuck it deep in a box up in my head.
At first, I had big dreams about Secondary School. I had jumped two classes to get to Secondary School courtesy of my primary school founder who also owns the secondary School. I will never forget that day; I felt elated! I was off as a college student! I had big dreams about becoming a lawyer but deep down in my heart, I had the fear of being rejected. Getting to the school gate, I gave myself a pep talk and smiled my way into my class. That day, I met seven persons who welcomed me into school and we became friends. It wasn't so bad until a day, the principal who teaches English language made me feel ugly by making a list of the most beautiful girls in school. That was when my esteem crumbled and I began finding myself before the mirror daily, trying to get what was wrong with me, since everyone always reminded me of my beauty. My relationship with people waned since I wasn't so sure of myself and this affected my studies. Forward to Year 2, I wanted to feel among! I began cracking jokes and just wanted an acceptance, I never needed to get in the beginning. No one knew about this because I can be described as an emotional holder who knows how to mask her pains well even till now. I found my solace in writing and debates. It was at this period, pedophiles were employed as teachers. No one could say anything until Tobby Udeme, a good friend of mine reported to the school authority who acted like it never happened. The next two years was filled with 'following the crowd', parties and nothing important I can point my fingers at. Gradually, I became a mini-tout! I was accepted into the clique when I reached SSS1, but I never felt like I belonged there. I had my first alcoholic drink in the school and it was provided by the school authority. In all these, the thought of going to the University slipped my mind. I knew deep in my soul that I would never survive JAMB's UTME at that rate but I never wanted to break from it. In SSS1, I went to Science class which is somewhere that doesn't suit me. Tobby Udeme spoke to me about changing schools and choosing the right path.... I thought about it but turned a deaf ear because I enjoyed the painful pleasures of being a failure. At home, my mom wasn't so happy with me especially with my life going down the wrong path, so she suggested that I attended my elder sister's high school summer classes which has a strong discipline and might, just might change me. Getting to this school, I felt out of place and couldn't deal with the lifestyle. It was too closed but nevertheless, I continued. Fast forward to a day I will never forget; during summer school, we were to have a chemistry practical in the laboratory ( ironically, I have never seen a laboratory or library since my school didn't have such facilities) and I mistakenly said out loud " Do you people want to cook?" My classmates bursted out laughing, and I bursted into tears. The teachers sat me down and I had to explain my ignorance. The news reached my mother who felt pained for the 'waste of money'. I left my school and life in the new school wasn't so funny. I adjusted well socially but academically, I had a lot to put up with especially being on probation; I was told to choose the right path and if my grades weren't good enough, I would have to go back to SS1( it was SS2 ) . The toughest decision ever! I began cutting off friends from my old school and adjusted to a new life of zero parties and only books. I became an A-Student though I had the fear of attempting University. My Class teacher in SS3, Mr Idoko advised me to take the UTME form, because he believed I can do it. I got the form and wrote it and got a high score! ( Though I didn't go to the University that year) I became clear of something that fateful night I got the score; if I can overcome this major fear, University life would not be my fear. I later realized, my overwhelming need to get accepted into a world I was never meant to be, broke me into pieces I can never place. The last two years of High school life might have been bookish but I had the best memories from there.
I was made to realize that I don't need anyone to make me who they wanted me to be, but I need to be who I want to be! This was what I realized and it is the mantra that has shaped me into the woman I have become.......
Check Out the next post on life as an Undergraduate.
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